


Role Play

by tornyourdress



Category: Have I Got News For You RPF
Genre: Cosplay, Dialogue-Only, M/M, Silly, Star Trek References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24445615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tornyourdress/pseuds/tornyourdress
Summary: Losing the quiz last night means Paul has to figure out how to put on a set of Vulcan ears.
Relationships: Ian Hislop/Paul Merton
Kudos: 2





	Role Play

“How do I get the ears on?”  
“You just – here, there we go! See? What do you think?”  
“I think I shouldn’t have let you win last night.”  
“You didn’t ‘let’ me win, you didn’t know what any of the answers were!”  
“I could have tried. I could have charmed my way into getting more points.”  
“You mean you could have offered Angus sexual favours again.”  
“Well, yeah. But it works.”  
“But then you have to actually provide the sexual favours. Isn’t that a bit . . .”  
“There’s no need to make faces like that! At least he never suggests anything like this. This is – sad. This is beyond sad. This is –”  
“Illogical?”  
“Yes. No! This is what people who don’t have lives do, Ian. They sit at home and watch _Star Trek_ and try to explain to people how warp drive works and learn how to speak Klingon and buy Spock ears! Where did you get these, anyway?”  
“I have my sources.”  
“You didn’t go to one of those Trekkie conventions, did you?”  
“Well . . .”  
“You did! I don’t believe it.”  
“It was years ago. I was young, and innocent.”  
“Did you have hair then?”  
“I’m not going to dignify that with a response.”  
“Oh, I’ve hit a nerve, I see.”  
“Just get into character, would you?”  
“How do I do that?”  
“Think like a Vulcan.”  
“Vulcans only have sex every seven years! I don’t think I could live like that. Wait, but Spock’s only half-Vulcan, isn’t he? So he can be exploring his human side tonight. Why are you looking at me like that?”  
“I’m just wondering how you can accuse _me_ of being a sad Trekkie and keep a straight face, that’s all.”  
“Very easily, watch me. You sad Trekkie. Now are we going to do this or what?”  
“I’m a doctor, not a sex toy!”  
“Is that a no?”  
“No, I was getting into character.”  
“Oh, right. Logic would dictate that we relocate to the bedroom.”  
“For once, I agree with you, Mr Spock.”


End file.
